How Do You Say Good-By to Someone You Love?

The journey through life sometimes takes you down a dark alley. Dark alleys are scary places to tread. They’re dark, they’re ominous and they’re almost always entered into with a sense of trepidation. Death is one such alley.

For those who have faith in Christ, the end result is glorious. We know where we’re going. But the journey there is uncertain and uncharted for each person. It’s a journey that can only in part be shared, but eventually must be taken alone. It’s a time of introspection for the dying but for those left behind, it’s a time of grief, forgiveness, a little anger and reckoning. And it’s a time of saying good-by.

How do you say good-by to someone you love? Especially when death seems so inconceivable? I must confess that I’m still trying to figure this one out. But I’m grateful that I have had this opportunity to ponder and work through it. Many haven’t. For some, the death of a loved one is sudden and catastrophic. For my dad, it’s been a six-year-long journey.

I have had six short years of knowing the end was coming. We’ve known all along that his cancer was terminal. I’ve walked by his side as he struggled with illness, pain, depression and hopefulness. While he’s always known the inevitable, it was impossible to face until he had no other choice. He fought for his life gallantly and without complaint. There was always hope that the cancer might go away, a cure would be found or a treatment would stop it. There was no cure, no treatment and it did not go away. So how do you say good-bye to someone you love as he struggles with everything he has left in him to hold on to his life?

As I look at this diminished man who was once so strong and protective of his family lying there in bed unable to eat or drink and incapable of even letting someone know he is hurting, I am saddened. As I whisper into his ear all of the wonderful memories I will forever cherish, the difficult times of our past seem so inconsequential. The events that once put such a wall between us now seem so petty and unimportant. The grudges are gone and the bitterness is wiped away. Perhaps that in and of itself is a loving good-bye. And as he moves closer in his journey to the end of his life here, I have given him permission to die, to let go and to step into eternity. We all have. He knows we’ll be okay. He knows we’ll miss him. He knows we’ll survive.

And now, as he lies there barely able to respond to caresses and tender endearments, he must set out on this part of his journey with no earthly companions. Even though we will be right there by his side and hold his hand up to the end, he still walks this part of the path alone. Our presence is now more for our closure and ourselves then it is for him. But it has been such a privilege to walk with him this far. Perhaps good-bye is more than mere words. Perhaps it’s forgiveness, acceptance, peace and unconditional love. Perhaps good-bye is letting go.